Tuesday, January 8, 2013

You Should You Should: "Sales Hook"

Christopher Robbins, (my publisher at www.Familius.com) is asking us to write up all the marketing material now.  So I'm trying to write the "Sales Hook" and wondered if you could give me any feedback.  It's hard!!  (New comers may read original story here.)

Here is what he gave me as an example:

Sales Hook: <short one sentence elevator pitch. Example: A former high-school principal provides successful strategies to motivate kids to succeed in school.


Here's what I have:

Hippo isn't sure how to be himself when friends say, “You should walk like me! Sing like me! Dance like me! You should! You should!”
I wanted to leave a little bit of an open end... room for "I wonder what happens" even though you know a children's book always gets resolved.  Anwyay.  What do you think???
Here are variations bouncing around my head:
Hippo questions how to be...
Hippo wonders how to be...
Hippo wishes to be himself but pestering friends say...
Hippo wishes to do things his way and be himself but pestering friends say...

Thoughts?

3 comments:

  1. Dear Ginny Tilby,

    I recommend something like "When friends pressure Hippo to conform, he finds a way to be himself."

    Best wishes for 2013!

    Sincerely,
    Janet Heller
    Website is http://www.redroom.com/author/janet-ruth-heller

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Janet. That's actually really nice and to the point! Thanks! That really does help actually.

      Delete
  2. Good, snappy line, Janet!

    ReplyDelete

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